According to the website of Kessler & Solomiany, LLC, divorce is never easy and can take an emotional toll on the spouses, especially if they are also parents with children. Yet, there are tangible things that you can do to assist you in getting through this rather difficult time in your life. You may be questioning yourself on a recent interaction with your spouse – wondering if you could have tried harder to make the relationship work or whether you broke the news to the kids in the best way possible. It is always recommended to give yourself a break. It is alright to have different emotions than you normally have. If you are confused, frustrated, exhausted, and sad, accept that these emotions will get better over time. If you are anxious about the future, acknowledge that as well.

Emotions not dealt with can take a toll on anyone going through a divorce. It is better to accept that you are not going to function at optimal level for some time. Recognize that you may get less productive at work or less talkative at social gatherings, but it won’t last forever.  One tangible action that you can do is going out with other friends or family and share experiences with them. If there is a support group in your area where you can talk to others who are going through similar situations as you, join one! It is never better to isolate yourself, especially during or after a divorce. Being along can sometimes only magnify the stress levels and affect your overall health.

Get out there and exercise – your body and your mind. Read a good book or go to an exercise class with friends. Talking care of your health emotionally and physically can go a long way in helping you to recover from a sometimes less than amicable divorce.

Try to also follow your regular routine as much as possible, as this can add some needed structure to your daily life. Have lunch with your friends at the office, and if you like to cook, create something great for dinner. Explore a favorite hobby that you have wanted to pursue.

If you have children, and they are being shared between both spouses, it is important to keep routines and stability in their lives. Talk with your ex about such issues as school nights, bedtimes and curfews for the children, and agree in advance on these topics – to avoid the unexpected!

Staying on good terms with your ex can help you recover better. It’s hard to be positive when you are resentful or hurt. If you have children, you’ll need to show them that it is important to get along with and forgive others. It is also best not to involve children in any disagreement that you had with your ex. Children don’t need to take sides or become messengers for each spouse, as it can further aggravate stressful situations, and cause them to blame themselves for their parents’ breakup. Seek mediation or an attorney to work out major differences before they cause you any further distress! Enjoy today, and it will get better!


read more

On the issue of child custody in a divorce proceeding, one of the most important questions is, “Who will have custody of the child?” After naming the custodial parent, the other parent will necessarily be given visitation rights, unless there is evidence that will show and prove that he/she is an unfit parent.

Legal experts agree that it is very important that a child has a strong relationship with both parents. Thus, courts typically award custodial rights to that parent who would very likely be able to cultivate such relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent. There are other relevant factors that courts consider when deciding on the matter of custody but, regardless of what these are, these should be in line with the most important factor: the best interest of the child.

There are times, however, when the chosen custodial parent (or sometimes the parent given visitation rights) is not able to live up to the court’s expectations, failing in his/her obligations to fully recognize and respect the other parent’s rights and personhood. The specific details through which failures are committed are numerous and varied. Generally speaking, all these are considered as visitation and custody interference issues and all call for the same thing: a modification in the original decision pronounced by the court. These interference issues include:

  • Frustration of the non-custodial parent’s visitation rights. These are instances wherein a custodial parent, for whatever reasons, eventually resorts to means that will alienate the child/children from the other parent. The most common of these means is denial of visitation rights.
  • Estrangement of the child’s affections for the non-custodial parent. A child’s relationship with his/her non-custodial parent can be severed through false accusations and/or damaging comments by the custodial parent. Unknown to the custodial parent, however, is that this/her ill-talks about his/her former partner also negatively affect the child’s emotional and mental health.
  • Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). PAS occurs when the custodial parent consciously and systematically brainwashes the children, resulting to the children eventually disfavoring the other parent. Since most family courts consider as vital the existence of a strong relationship between a child and his/her parents, courts, therefore, believe that the ill behavior displayed by a custodial parent warrants a change in custody.
  • Change of Residence. Despite the stipulation (in the divorce decree) that a custodial parent will have to inform the non-custodial parent of any plans of him/her and the children moving to another city or state, many custodial parents ignore this requirement and relocate to a distant location secretly. This stipulation is inserted in the divorce decree to give the noncustodial parent the chance to argue against such plans. As this move can affect a child’s relationship with the other parent, many courts believe that it establishes a significant change in circumstances which justifies a change in custody.

Other reasons that may warrant a change in custody include:

  • Material and Substantial Changes. These include a custodial parent’s remarriage, inability to provide the required care due to a medical condition, commission of a crime, and criminal conviction.
  • Child’s Preference. Children, who have reached the age of 12, are usually interviewed by a judge in his/her chamber or private office. A change in custody (as well as in visitation rights) may be made if a child asks for it, but on the condition that the court is convinced that such change will be in his/her best interest.
  • Relinquishment of Custody. There are instances when a change in a court’s original decision on custody may be made. One instance is if a custodial parent voluntarily gives up care and custody of the child. The change, however, will only be ruled as temporary if the reason of the custodial parent is due to military deployment or duty.
  • Unfavorable Environment. If the environment where a custodial parent lives can endanger his/her child’s physical health or significantly harm the child’s emotional growth, then the other parent can request the court to alter its original decision.

In their website, Raleigh child custody lawyers attest how reaching a child custody agreement that both spouses will agree on can be very difficult. Because of the importance a child custody agreement has on both the lives of the children and the parents, this is frequently the most contentious issue that arises during a divorce proceeding. However, determining what type of custody you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse (whether Sole Custody, Joint Custody or Primary/Secondary Physical Custody) will have is critical to successfully completing the divorce process. Due to this, it is best that you and your children find a supportive and knowledgeable lawyer who will help you get the outcome which you believe is suitable for your family.


read more

Heavy drinking has long been known as one of the main reasons for filing a divorce, not only in the United States but in many countries around the world. Heavy alcohol consumption has serious effects in marital relationships, and reports show that it increases the risks of marital violence, cause poor communication, and heighten emotional distress. Many reports have already determined the correlation between heavy alcohol consumption and divorce, and many individuals have seen the effect of divorce on their families. Recent studies, however that the issue lies more on the difference of drinking habits – and not the drinking itself – is what leads to divorce, separation, and marital dissatisfaction.

According to the study released online entitled Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, spouses who drink about the same amount of alcohol are have significantly lower desire to file for divorce than marriages where one or both spouses are heavy drinkers. Based on the findings of the study, when the man was the one with a “hazardous” or heavy drinking habit the rate of divorce was 13.1%, while heavy drinking women increased the rate of divorce to 26.8%. If both spouses are heavy drinkers, the rate of divorce is 17.2%, compared to 5.8% where both spouses are light drinkers. The researchers are not sure why the women who are heavier drinkers have the highest percentage of divorce, but they speculate that it may be perhaps due to it being an incompatible trait with traditional female roles, and is often viewed as a threat to the stability of the marriage.

Because of alcohol abuse being a strong factor and indicator of divorce, the website of Marshall & Taylor, PLLC says that knowing about your partner’s drinking habits before going into marriage to ensure that it will not be a factor or cause for divorce.


read more